Bedazzled

I am all for a little bling on your clothes from time to time. A special event, New Year’s Eve, or a night out on the town is a legit reason to get all fancy with it…if you’re a woman!

Someone got the bright idea to bedazzle men’s jeans. While I’m okay with a showy belt buckle or shiny buttons on your favorite karaoke shirt, I draw the line at pants that look my 6 year old took a hot glue gun and glitter to. It’s not masculine or macho. In fact it’s got the opposite effect. It makes me want to vomit and or judge until my eyes bleed. Who thought this was okay? And moreover – why are people stupid enough to purchase them? I have never been out shopping for my husband and thought to myself, You know what’s hot? My husband. You know what’s hotter? My husband in bedazzled, blinged out jeans that will be over priced and that’s totally okay. Anything for fashion, right? Nope. NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. In fact, they would have to pay me to even consider it much less actually purchase the pants.

My family was out to dinner and we saw a man with his (floozy-dressed-I’m-clearly-trying-to-get-some-cause-I’m-easy) girlfriend going up to the counter to order. My husband noticed this man’s pants and was ashamed for him. He kept giving him this look like, “Why man, why?? Why you gotta ruin our whole gender with your tacky ass pants?” And it’s not like it was 11PM and he was at the club. It was 6:30PM at Submarine House (best subs in Ohio!!) on a Wednesday night. I kind of brushed it off, like this was a one time incident. No more than two days later I saw a man in the produce section of Kroger wearing similar pants. At that moment I knew this was a social issue that needed addressed.

I am sure there is someone out there who is reading this and getting all pissy with me about calling them out on their bejeweled men’s jeans. To those people, I am sorry if I have offended you. What I need to know is what was going through your head when you decided to pay money for something beyond tacky? I don’t have a crafty bone in my body but for the right amount of money – I’ll make the damn jeans for you! All I need is a hot glue gun, some plastic jewels for JoAnn’s and sequence so your butt reflects light like a disco ball. Also – did you think this would attract a mate? Was there some article in Maxim discussing the pros of flashy butt pockets on jeans? A little advice from a woman – your bedazzled ass will most likely ruin your chances of mating. FOREVER.