PSA: I’m annoyed

I troubleshoot problems for a living – in all my roles. And as a result I encounter all kinds of people in my day to day – those who think they know what they are doing but really have no idea, the genuinely clueless, the helpless, the hopeless, the over thinker… you get the idea. I feel as though in the past few weeks - I’ve run into the most obnoxious kinds of people that I found myself with headaches and twitchy eyes. I felt like I was having some sort of allergic reaction to their ineptitude. It was TOO MUCH.

So I’m here to provide a public service announcement for my sanity and the safety of those who are forced to deal with me. The following shit annoys the shit out of me:

People who ask for help and then argue with you. Seriously? DO NOT ask for my assistance and then have the audacity to argue with me about the solution of I’ve provided. I don’t care who the hell you think you are – that shit is rude as hell. Don’t be an ass hole. Didn’t your mother teach you better?

People who do not know how to silence their phones. We live in a smartphone age and I too am entirely dependent on my phone. But in the movies, office, at the doctor’s office – I am respectful enough to put my phone on silent. Frankly, if you do not know how to put your phone on silent you don’t deserve to have the damn thing. I also reserve the right to take a meat hammer to your phone after it’s made this obnoxious fairy sound 8 times in a row while I’m trying to work. I’ll gladly return it to you in… in 1000 pieces but don’t be butt-hurt. This could have been prevented if you’d put your fucking phone on silent.

People who think they are funny but are really just shitty human beings. I could write a book on how upset and disappointed I am with humanity. We’ve turned to torturing animals and posting videos about it on YouTube because it’s allegedly hilarious. What the fuck is wrong with you people? This is unacceptable and people posting, liking, reposting this garbage makes my blood boil. I’m not the only one who has sense to find this fucking stupid. Lauren at Closer to 30 did too! Read about how mad she is in her latest post.

Rude ass sales people. I get it – you have a deadline to hit. I do too. I own a small business with my husband and sell Scentsy on the side. And maybe I’m just different but I don’t believe in guilting people into buying things from me. That’s just not how I do business. If I’ve politely turned your offer down, it’s likely because I’m not interested, can’t afford it, don’t like what you’re selling, or don’t like YOU. I will remain civil the first time or two – but time 381? I will bite your head off! Also – DO NOT come to my door with shady antics and expect me to respond well. I’m all for local organizations and school kids (especially girl scouts – this fat girl has a cookie problem) but if you show up and refuse tell me who you are affiliated with, ask me what I do for a living and if I have children – it’s likely that I will ask your ass to get off my property and exercise my right to bear arms. And not necessary in that order. Oh and then start cussing at me? Don’t even go there. I do live with a big burly black man (aka the Mr.) and if you think I’m scary…. you don’t even know.

Prank callers. How is this even still a thing? Just stop.

People who talk on the phone in public restrooms. There should be a law against this level of unsanitary behavior. One – you are in public restroom, likely with strangers and or people who don’t like you (such as myself). Two – you are now subjecting your caller to your bodily functions as well as anyone else’s in the close vicinity. While you might be close enough with Betty Sue to take her to pee with you – I don’t know her from Adam. I’m not the kind of person to share my urine with just anyone. Three – public restrooms are disgusting. I would know – I swabbed a few in college for microbiology lab just to see what kind of nasty bacteria I could grow. So you use your phone while dropping a deuce (no no no – don’t deny it, unfortunately, I was witness to this) or going pee, cleaning oneself (we only hope)… all the while switching your phone between your hands. And then you wash your hands and look at me like I’m nuts for giving you my I’m judging the shit out of you face (no pun intended). Disgusting. You should be ashamed of how foul that actually is and know that once I’ve seen you do this – you are forever deemed the “sharticle talker.”


I expect better of human beings but apparently I’ve set my expectations too high. IF these are things you are known for, please avoid me as it’s likely I will chew you out.

Overheard: In the car to Columbus…

Last weekend I ventured out to columbus with Sophia and her bestie, Isabella, for trip the American Girl store. Don’t ask me what I was smoking – I have no idea. At any rate, I let Sophia play music from her iPod the whole way down so the girls could rock out (to kid appropriate music, of course). During the shuffle of Happy, Burn, and Wake Me Up – MJ’s PYT came on. I’m jammin’ and driving because this is my favorite MJ song and overheard….


Isabella: Who is this? 

Sophia: It’s Michael Jackson! (almost astonished someone would ask such a question)

Isabella: Isn’t he dead? 

(long pause – clearly my daughter is thinking of how best to approach such a sensitive subject)

Sophia: Yeah he died. But he’s a music legend!


(insert huge mom grin here)

THAT’S MY GIRL!!!! Yes, MJ is a music legend and my 8 year old knows it. I’m not going to lie – I was pretty happy about Soph’a answer. And when Rock With You and Thriller came on later, she sang along even though her bestie wasn’t as into it. I love that she didn’t just flip to the next song when her friend questioned her music choice. She held her own. It’s okay to like different things. It was small but noteworthy.

If nothing else – I’ve raised her to have excellent taste in music. :D

Dear Lilith

Dear Lilith,

I wanted to drop a quick note to thank you for the life lessons you taught my little girl today. Sometimes there are no better teaching moments than the present and you, my road rage friend, provided me the perfect parenting opportunity. As you drove dangerously close to my car for two plus miles, rudely honked at me at traffic light and then sped off in 35 MPH zone – you helped me highlight to my little girl in the back seat that people can be rude and careless. And that just because you had somewhere to be, didn’t mean it was safe or okay for you to behave like that in a car. That’s how people get in accidents or killed. Recklessness.

While I’m sure wherever you were going, Lilith, was beyond important it justified these actions – please note that you do not own the road and the cars will not part like the Red Sea for you. We all have places to be and people to see. And I (possibly unlike you) would like to get my family there safely. It could be that you had one too many mimosas at brunch or that your cardigan was draped a little too tightly around your shoulders that it was cutting off oxygen to your brain… all very possible explanations. Either way Ms. Juke-Vanity-Plate I appreciate the teaching opportunity you provided me. The chance to highlight the kind of driver/person I don’t want my daughter to grow up to be. So for that I am grateful. Thank you Lilith.


Warmest regards and safe driving,


Month One

Month one into my weight loss adventure down. Phew.

It’s been an interesting 30 days with a variety of changes but I’ve committed myself to a low calorie life style, tracking my activity on my Fitbit Flex and keeping up with my food/calorie intake using MyFitnessPal (MFP). What’s awesome is that my Fitbit and MFP link to one another. Each day as I’m active – my calories burned are added to my allowed calories so I don’t over eat and remain accountable. Best of all, I can eat whatever I want – in moderation of course.

In terms of exercise – I’ve been embracing the Spring weather Ohio is actually experiencing and taking my pups for walks. MyFitnessPal has a sister app – Map My Walk – that’s easy to use. I simply turn it on when I leave the house and it keep track of my pace, distance, laps, etc. AND – brace yourself for this awesome sauce – it synchs with MFP and my Fitbit. BOOM. How efficient is that?!

April has proven to be successful. I struggled no doubt and still am. But this month I’ve managed to wear two pairs of pants I haven’t worn in over two years, gotten on the scale and seen numbers actually decrease for a change and even broke into a decade of numbers I haven’t seen in a long ass time. I’ve already learned that I can’t eat the way I used to and when I do I pay some serious consequences. And while I am Egyptian – my stomach no longer is. I’ve had good days and bad days. Hell, I’ve even eaten my feelings. But I’m a month in, I’ve made progress and I feel good about the progress I’ve made.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a looooong way to go. It’s going to be a struggle but I know this is something I have to do. I’m taking it one day at a time, one pound at a time, one good food choice at at time…

I’m one month into my weight loss adventure and 10 pounds down.

The 7 Commandments for a BIG Girl

I’m a big girl. No doubt about it. I’m attempting to make myself more of a fit girl but in the meantime, I have to share the things I’ve learned about big-girldom (yes, I made that up just now).

These are the 7 commandments for a BIG girl… in no particular order.

  1. Thou shalt wear a brazier that fits thy bosom. Just because you can get the bra on doesn’t mean it’s the right fit. If you are popping out (literally) of your bra or the girls exploding out the bottom or sides of your bra – you need help. Also – the bra shouldn’t being leaving scars on your skin. It’s meant to be supportive, not cut off your circulation or make you bleed. Get sized at a big girl store. Victoria’s Secret bras weren’t meant for the well endowed, honey, so go ahead and give up that dream. Now come to terms with your measurements and try on a variety of bras till you find the perfect one. Don’t act like you know what you think you need. You don’t. You should go for sexy but functional. No need to look like your grandma. And the girls should be up but not to the point it looks like you are swallowing them. That’s just not cute. Find the right bra, in the perfect fit and buy every single one you can. It’s like water or air… an absolute necessity.
  2. Thou shalt not buy shoes thy cannot walk in. Do not be the big girl that stomps around the office because you can’t walk in your heels. That just makes you the fat girl on stilts. It’s just not okay. I am not saying you must only wear flats, rather that you should buy heels you are able to walk in naturally. If you can rock the 8 inch hooker heals and not look you’re about to fall flat on your face… then YOU GO GIRL! But if you need to wear the more subtle 2 inch wedge, there is no shame in that.
  3. Thou shalt not wear pants that give thyself a muffin top. This is unacceptable… not matter your size… PERIOD.
  4. Thou shalt carry emergency deodorant/baby powder. Is there much explanation needed here? We sweat and occasionally chafe. If you a paranoid about it then you are in for a miserable day. Come prepared and put your mind at ease. It gives you just a pinch more confidence and sometimes that’s all you need.
  5. Thou shalt not wear a bikini. I’m not saying big isn’t beautiful. What I am saying is be tasteful. If there is a string holding up your bottoms, it shouldn’t be a mystery! If you like being tan everywhere (no judgement here) then get yourself a membership at a nice tanning salon and spare the show at the pool.
  6. Thou shalt buy clothes from a store that carries thy actual size. Do not be the big girl in Forever 21 looking at XS dresses. Just don’t. This is only acceptable if your friend with you wears an XS. Otherwise, there is no shame in going to a store that carries double digit sizes or plus sizes and finding clothes that actually fit you. If the clothes fit right, you’ll feel good in them. Trust me, I’ve battled this for years and once I gave in – it made all the difference.
  7. Thou shalt never settle for less. Just because you fall into the big girl category doesn’t mean you should short change yourself life experiences. You can do everything all those other women out there can do. Do not give up on yourself. If you don’t like yourself, then change.

Proud Parenting Moment

Halloween is upon us. And when you have a 7 year old – it’s pretty much a once a month subject starting the day after the previous Halloween. For those of you who haven’t gone through this yell because your kids are too young or you don’t have kids yet… you just wait (squinty eyed I wish you the hell I am going through face).

For months my daughter has rattled off costumes ideas.

(In the car)

Sophia: Mama, what should be I be for Halloween?

Me: Sophia, it’s almost Christmas. Can we discuss this after Santa visits?

Sophia: I think I want to be a witch.


(In the morning before school)

Sophia: Mama, I know what I want to be for Halloween! A cat!

Me: Sophia, it’s not even Spring break yet. Let’s talk about this closer to October.


(Stalling before bedtime…as usual)

Sophia: What’s better – a dog, zebra, or lion?

Me: What’s this for?

Sophia: Halloween!

Me: You’ve been a lion before.

Sophia: A pig?

Me: You’ve been a pig too.

Sophia: Hmmmm ok.


(In line for ice cream)

Sophia: Mama! Mama! Mama! I know what I want to be for Halloween!!!!!

Me: Oh yeah? What now?

Sophia: Harry Potter!!!!!

Me: (biggest cheesiest smile in the entire world!)

Sophia: Or I could be gumball machine…

Though it was short lived – it was still a very proud parenting moment. I’m pretty sure angels were singing at the very moment. I am raising my daughter to be a Harry Potter geek just like her father and me. Other kids are taught about football teams and being forever loyal – no matter how bad their team stinks. But my kid? She’s loyal to the 7 greatest books and 8 movies about the greatest books ever written. Not going to lie… I may faint with pride on the day she asks that we read the first book together. Just sayin’.



My bluntest conversation yet…

Brushing my teeth tonight, I stood in the mirror looking at myself…with complete disappointment.


Well hello there, Sarah. 

Hi. {Keeps brushing teeth to avoid eye contact.}

I see you are your same chubby, disgusting self. 

Well, I am working on it… sort of.

Are you? Because I’m not seeing much of a change.


If by working on it you mean eating your feelings then YES you are definitely working on it.

Ouch. {Spit}

How many excuses have you made today alone to get out of logging your WW points or getting up to exercise? 

I know I know. I suck.

Yes you do! You are a lazy piece of shit! 

I mean that’s a bit harsh, don’t ya think? {Keeps brushing}

Oh did I hurt your big fat feelings?

Kind of…yeah.

Well, get over it! What you are doing is making stupid excuses and you’re only letting yourself down. If you aren’t going to put forth the effort, that’s fine by me. But you’ll just forever be the fat wife/mother/sister/coworker/friend.

You’re right. {Mouth full of tooth paste}

Of course I’m right! I’m you, stupid.

{Smirk, spit}

And no one feels sorry for you because you’ve only done this to yourself. You are FAT because of you! F.A.T. There! I said it. 

You’re right! This is my fault. I can’t blame this on anyone but myself. What the hell am I doing? {Brushing more vigorously now.}

Nothing, that’s the whole point of this conversation, idiot! 

But what if…

What if what? You fail? Any attempt at this point would better than another secret Reese’s pumpkin. 

{Eyes nearly pop out of my head.}

Yes, I know about those. 

{Overwhelming shame. Rinse and spit.}

So what if you fail? So you lose 5 lbs instead of 10. Something is better than nothing. At least you’d be making progress, putting forth effort, attempting to better yourself. Your butt would be 5 lbs lighter! It would be a miracle! 

My butt could be smaller.

Ya think? 

{Begins flossing to avoid the obvious.}

All I am doing is saying what clearly needs to be said. You are fat. If your loved ones won’t tell you, I will. Now get up and do something about it! 

But I hate trying and trying and never getting anywhere.

Did you expect this to be easy? 

Well if I…

Shut up! Well nothing moron! This is going to be one of the hardest things you’ve ever attempted to do in the history of your 20 some years of life. And it’s going to take time. You are just going to have to deal with it, tubby.  

Why all the attitude and name calling?

Because you need it. Someone needs to sass you to the point you are willing to do whatever it takes to prove them wrong. 

{That you-make-a-valid-point-but-I-hate-you-for-being-right look.}

You need to make a change. Embracing your chubbiness isn’t working anymore. You’ll probably never be a size 3/4 again…. and that’s okay. You don’t need to be that skinny. But let’s get down to single digit pant sizes. OK? At least that would be healthy. At least you wouldn’t ashamed to be out with your family or paranoid of the way your clothes fit you. 

{Nodding – mouth full of mouth wash.}

Can I take it one day at a time? Otherwise it gets REALLY scary and overwhelming.

You know for someone tends to be pretty strong-willed – you act like a pansy when it comes to this stuff. 

Yeah, not my strength. {Gargle, spit.}

Fine. One day at a time. But don’t crap out of me when you’ve had one bad food day or weigh in. This is going to be an ugly battle. Things may get worse before they get better… and don’t kid yourself, that one week a month is going to be a REAL bitch! But you have to power through…

OK! So we’ll start on Wednesday?

{If looks could kill.}

What? It’s my weigh in day!

Did I not just tell you about what a fat ass you are? Have you seen yourself naked lately? Yeah… that’s what I thought. You WILL start tomorrow! No matter what. 

Fine. I hate it when you’re right.

I know. Most people do. 

Good night.

Good night Sarah. 




Back to school shopping: Letter to OshKosh

Dear OshKosh, 

I wanted to write you a note to express my sincerest gratitude for creating clothing for my seven-year old that makes her still my little girl and not some harlot in training like those other stores (cough cough Justice cough cough). I mean who wants their daughter dressed to look like she could work the corner downtown? Ridiculous. I respect your ability to keep with the trends but still maintain that level of innocence that I love. You capture just the right amount of swag, style and sass that my daughter loves! And thanks you – she has the perfect outfit for the first day of school. She’s looks adorable in her floral skort, shirt and matching headband! That extra boost of confidence completely erased the new school year jitters she’s been complaining about for a week. She feel goods, looks great and nothing is too tight or too short (or her father would be writing you an entirely different kind of letter). Best of all – I can afford (for the most part) the things she wants from your store without needing to take out a second mortgage on my house. 

Only one…okay two minor suggestions. I love your outlet store but it’s the only outlet store in the area and it has only two dressing rooms. The only outlet store for miles and miles and only TWO dressing rooms? There were hordes of people and children impatiently waiting their turns. It wasn’t pretty. Also, your store is quite popular and crowded. It was literally 349 degrees in there! Every mother in that store was sweating like a whore in church. That definitely wasn’t pretty. I know I was an ugly mess, but I digress. These are just a few minor suggestions to make our shopping experience a smidgen better. 

Again, thank you for your wonderful clothing. But mostly, for keeping my little girl, MY little girl still. I know that I will do my best to keep her dressed in your clothes for as long as I can. Even if that means she’s rocking some cute  polka dot leggings and a tunic at age 16. 

Your happy-to-buy-OshKosh mom, 



We all deal with loss in different ways. It’s hard. There are so many emotions associated with it and so many feelings to feel at once… it’s completely overwhelming. And then there is that horrible realization that you will never see that loved one again. It’s difficult to swallow.

I recently lost someone who holds a special place in my heart and forever will. I know that I am not the only one who is saddened or impacted by this loss but there is peace in knowing she is resting in a place we only hope to be apart of some day. She will forever be my hero and grandmother. And not one person on this earth has even a tenth the strength and grace she had. The tears come and go, as the wound is still so fresh. And I know that just when we begin to heal a little, the holidays will hit us and we will be reminded of how enormous a loss this truly is to our family. But new traditions will be made to honor her life and love for us all.

Today another loss has saddened my family and while I was only blessed with one short meeting with her, she was such a beautiful person – both inside and out. It’s amazing how pure someone can be when in the midst of fighting a disease. How their smile can spread warmth to those near and far. And how their now absence leaves a bigger void than we imagined.

Recently my sister shared a saying someone told her.

To be absent from the world is to be present with The Lord.

There is no greater loss than that of someone you love. And it’s incredibly hard. But I take comfort in knowing that heaven has gained two beautiful angels and they will forever watch over us.

In loving memory of 






It’s been a while (I know I know) and I feel as though the best way to get things rollin’ is with some confessing. Plus what’s more fun than admitting {shameful} things to the bloggy world?! Here goes nothing…

  • June was an epic birthday month (yes I get the whole month) for me. Only 313 days till my next birthday {month}!! 
  • I miss blogging when I go through a dry spell. :(
  • I did absolutely nothing proactive on my weight-loss journey for the month of June. Oops.
  • Budgeting your money sucks and I hate having to do it.
  • Home ownership isn’t all it’s cracked up to be as we’ve recently had a leaking fridge and a clogged furnace.
  • I’m going to go to my grave doing the damn laundry. It never goes away!! It’s a conspiracy, I tell you!
  • I will eat my weight in watermelon. It’s a problem.
  • I don’t clean the floor boards in my house regularly.
  • Dessert was never a must till I got married to man with a huge sweet tooth. It’s all his fault.
  • If you come to my house around dinner to sell me something and I politely decline… but you keep pushing, rudely – I will likely cuss your @$$ out. Without shame.
  • The Golden Girls is hands down one of my favorite shows. Judge all you want.
  • I almost got caught red-handed as the Tooth Fairy. Apparently, I am not cut out for this line of work.
  • My house never exceeds 70 degrees. Ever.
  • Harry Potter for life!!! Also, I may or may not tweet about the movies when we have marathons. Which is all the time. It’s awesome.
  • Crystal Light Energy Peach Mango is amazing. It’s even better in a cocktail. :) You’re welcome.


These are my confessions.

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Hi, I'm Sarah! Thanks for visiting my blog. Feel free to browse around, grab a button if you'd like and stay awhile. Here you will find my very blunt thoughts on things and a glimpse of the craziness I call my life. Read, comment and come back often.
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