Lessons learned when telling your spouse you did something wrong…

You know that dreadful conversation when you have to call your spouse and tell them you broke something of theirs or worse – something valuable like the television, a kid,  jewelry, the house, a car. All very bad things. It’s the awful – I know I was stupid I’m sorry don’t kill me conversation.

I have some helpful advice, as over the years I am the one having this conversation with my very patient and forgiving husband. Here are my lessons learned from these awful talks. I hope to make your lives better from my miserable failures.

  1. Don’t try to break the ice. Just get straight to the point. I strongly suggest: Honey, I fucked up. It’s short and delivers the message that you clearly did something wrong. They don’t want some long winded story of how you got there and worse things could be wrong. Or to hear about the brighter side and how no one is dead (hopefully). None of that matters. Just get to facts first. You fucked up. Period.
  2. Apologize and fix it. I strongly suggest following up your first statement with something like: I’m really sorry and I’m going to fix it ASAP. Because you fucked up and at the end of the day it’s your responsibility to fix it. No questions asked. You broke the TV with Lego man – you replace it (yes that does happen). You shrunk his favorite jeans – you buy two new pairs to make up for it. See how that works?
  3. Explain yourself. IF they ask why or how this happened DO NOT say you don’t know. This is the worst possible answer in the history of the world as we know it. You’re honestly better off running head first into a wall than giving this answer. Just saying. Have a real answer. Explain you broke the TV with a Lego Minecraft man because you were trying to maim your child who was mouthing off but missed and hit the TV instead (oops). Because that makes way more sense than “I don’t know.”
  4. Make better choices next time. For the love of Google and all things holy – learn from your damn mistakes. Don’t do the same stupid shit twice. Spouses tend to not respond well to these things more than once in a row much less if it’s the same exact thing. Take note and try your damnedest not to do it again.

See? Simple. And this can all be avoided if you don’t fuck up in the first place. Now if you’re anything like me – that will never happen so perfect these steps.

Reason To Be Happy #1

my happiness jar

my happiness jar

I think it’s important this day and age to reflect on the good. There is so much messed up crap out there in the world that it’s I like to celebrate the little things. After reading Eat, Pray, Love several years ago I started a happiness jar where I write down the thing that made me the most happy that day. While I don’t do it daily – I try to do it often to remember the little things – like Soph and I joking in the car, her finishing her first chapter book, winning a scratch off… you get the idea.

Then recently, I stumbled upon Katrina Kittle‘s former blog where she writes her reasons to be happy.  She’s a local author I have grown to love and she wrote teen novel about the reasons to be happy. I am reading one of her books right now – The Kindness of Strangers – but that is on my list to read for sure. She’s amazing. I’ve seen her speak… wow. But I digress. At any rate – celebrating why we are happy and taking the time to note them down is significant. So that when we have those incredibly shitty days – and we all do – we can go back and see those reasons to be happy, to smile, and to not dwell on the hogwash.

So I will continue my happiness jar. But I wanted to also note my reasons to be happy here from time to time. And not the glaringly obvious ones like my awesome husband and totally cute kid. Duh. :) So…

Reason To Be Happy #1

There are only 50 days till my birthday and a mere 45 till my birthday month! I’m pretty damn excited about it. :) :) Let the planning begin!

The night I taught my daughter to pray

It was one of those days. Dreary, overcast and full of rain. I struggled in my day between the stress at work and the mental to-do list I’d created for myself when I got home. By the time I picked up my daughter – I was exhausted. Seeing her come out of day care happy reminded me to be grateful for all the little things despite a hard day. I put on a smile.

Our car rides are always time to catch up. She tells me about her day – the good, the bad the ugly – and I give her a few of my highlights. We talk about the plans for the evening – homework, gymnastics practice, what’s for dinner (always a hot topic) – and sometimes we just talk about stuff – jokes, music, gossip at school (third grade is very dramatic). This day in particular, she seemed happy but reported a few important things to note – she hit her knee at school hard on a corner she didn’t see (OUCH!) and her closest friend in class wasn’t being so friendly anymore. I offered condolences on the ow-ey and advised that she socialize with those more interested in playing nice.

At home we got into our rhythm quickly. Homework – check. Snack – check. Pizza ordered for diner – check. Leo on for gymnastics lesson – check. A little stretching – check. Play with Dad – check. Oops! She fell and hurt herself. Hugs given and tears wiped – check. Off we went to gym. I’m a gym mom. I spend four days at the gym with my kid. She’s a gymnast. It’s our second home. I settled in for a quick 30 minutes of normalcy -I’m reading a delightful book so I indulged in a few pages – and just when it was getting better than good the lesson was over. Her coach raved about her as always and I thanked her profusely for her kindness and time. These people have a gift. They communicate with our children and our children retain every word they say. It’s wizardry I hope to some day understand.

In the car ride home – she seemed upset. More visor talk lead to she’s nervous for her next meet. It’s the State Championship! I told her it’s just another meet. That the only people watching her will be the judges and the parents from our team – like always. That I’ve been to an important meet before (Nationals for speech – I’m a nerd) and that I was so nervous that I didn’t do as well as I know I could have. And afterwards I regretted it so much. Being nervous won’t help but hurt her performance so it’s important to be excited – she’s going to state after all – and do the best she can. No matter what – we are incredibly proud of all her hard work. This seemed to settle her. As she said – she’s in it to win it!

Back into our home routine – it was shower time. Strangely, she didn’t fight me about the shower. Instead we argued about pajamas. She’s grown so much that the nightgown she wanted to wear to bed was essentially a tee shirt. I suggested some shorts or new jammers. This doesn’t bode well. More tears, frustration evident, and some foot stomping. She came out for dinner in new pajamas – clearly annoyed – and butt heads with Dad. More frustration and before I even know whats happening – she’s sent to bed.

Parenting is difficult. We’ve all had those days.

After a spousal exchange – I took a piece of pizza into her room and sat on the bed next to her. Those big brown eyes – red and full of tears. Honestly, I have so many conversations with my daughter through my visor mirror or the bathroom mirror getting ready in the mornings that I sometimes forget what it’s like to actually have a face-to-face conversation with those big brown eyes. She instantly filled me with warmth. I calmed her down and advised she stay quiet while we talked so as to not be interrupted by Dad.

And so we talked. She explained her frustrations – that her day has just gone bad and she’s upset. We talked through the things upsetting her. She’d fallen and tripped but looking around her room – it’s no wonder. It’s a disaster zone. I made the suggestion to be a little more careful in general but that the room needed to be cleaned ASAP. We talked through the PJ dispute. She’s a becoming a young lady so roaming the house in her underwear is not an option. I told her we can get more nighties, if that’s her preference, but that she’s grown so much so that hers are too short now.

Then we talked about the general issues. She struggles with expressing her feelings. It’s as if she can’t get the words out and it only upsets her more. She’s convinced I won’t understand but half the time I don’t know what it is because she’s unable to tell me. Take a breath – inhale, exhale, collect your thoughts. I told her the struggles I had growing up. My mother wouldn’t allow me to walk away to gather my emotions, thoughts, or feelings and then come back and talk to her like a rational human being. Nope! Just wasn’t allowed. She had to speak right then and there. I told her I understand it’s hard sometimes to say what you feel and that if she’s having trouble saying the words she could write them down in a journal. That it was okay to ask for a minute to get it together and then come back and talk to me when we aren’t seeing eye-to-eye or effectively communicating. Taking a breather is needed sometimes. But that when we get back together to talk – she needs to be willing to talk and understand. Also – I gave her the friendly reminder that I am older, occasionally wiser and am here to help her. I want to see her succeed in all she does and will never lead her astray (certainly not intentionally).

It was a good conversation. One she may not remember but that I will cherish forever.

All cleaned up, belly fully, calmed down and ready for bed. It was time to say her prayers. She’s often says the cookie cutter prayer she created years ago – or some variation of it – each night. Tonight – I could tell she needed a little more than that. So I offered one more tidbit of advice. I told her to first give thanks for some of the good things that happened today. Yes – today did not go according to plan but tomorrow is a new day and with a new attitude/perspective it can and will be better. It’s important to give thanks for those things – big or small – that were good in that day. Then seek help in some of the struggles she faced today. There is never any shame in asking for help but it’s important to ask. Lastly, that it’s important to speak from the heart and be genuine.

She prayed. And it came from the heart. Tears rolled down her face and mine as I listened and silently offered up my own prayers. At the end – she smiled – almost one of relief.

To me – prayer transcends all boundaries. Doesn’t matter who or what you believe in, where you’re from or what language is your native tongue. It’s simply giving thanks and seeking help/insight. This may come as a shock to some – but I’m only human. I know I don’t have all the answers (though I sometimes act like I do). I often do the latter in my prayers because parenting is the hardest most enjoyable job I’ve ever had but they don’t give you a manual for your baby when he/she is born. That teaching her these lessons is important but I continually question – should I have done that different, was this okay, could that have been better? On this night, she grew a little. She spoke words purely from her heart and sought help because she is, after all, only human. The most important little human in my entire universe. But human nonetheless. She too struggles in her little world. She too has bad days. And she too needs help. On this night, I taught my daughter to pray. 

Mixed Messages

I think we are confusing our children…specifically our daughters. We tell them it’s important to dress appropriately, don’t expose too much in public. I’ve got a third grader so I’m not exactly in that teenage realm yet but we are broaching that tween phase. Belly shirts and triangle bikinis are a reality. THIRD GRADE, people! There is not need to show too much, too soon. We stress not revealing too much, respecting privacy, knowing anatomy and understanding what’s appropriate and not. We teach this.

But then walking through the grocery store we see a woman breastfeeding – a completely natural thing – out in the middle of the isle…uncovered. At first, I didn’t think into too much. But the look of confusion on my kid’s face said it all. I asked her what was wrong and she asked why that lady we passed had her boobie out in public. She was wide eyed and almost in shock like people aren’t supposed to do that mommy. Duh. We taught her that. The confusion was evident.

I knew I needed to explain a few things.

I told her what breastfeeding was in further detail. And that some mothers choose to expose themselves when they feed their babies because they feel it’s natural and beautiful. I explained that I too breastfed her – for an entire year! I further went on to tell her that when I was in the privacy of my own home, I might have fed her uncovered however in public or around others I covered myself or left the room because while beautiful it wasn’t something I wanted to share with others. That’s private. :) Also – covering her helped her fall asleep. And all families are different. We respect their choices but that in our family – it’s not okay to walk around the super market with your boobs out. Period.

It’s clear theres some mixed messaging taking place. Don’t dress like a hussy or slut. But it’s gorgeous to publicly nurse. That is somehow okay. Yes – to each their own however, our little girls don’t get that. It’s confusing. Confuses the shit of me and I’m a grown ass woman. Mixed messages. I think consistency is key.

Confessions – 3rd Edition

I come from a very strict Christian household in which regular confession to a Priest was mandatory. Now, we didn’t have the Catholic luxuries of the confessional. You did this dreadful confessing face-to-face. Yes – you read correctly. I said face-to-face. RIGHT? As if confessing wasn’t hard enough – you had to actually look your Father of Confession in the eye. I wasn’t exactly a saint so as you can imagine – I avoided this like the plague. But now I feel the need to publicly confess to you wonderful people regularly. Apparently, I either have no shame or just no longer give a shit…. or both. Oh well.

  • At this very moment: I’ve watched hours of FoodNetwork and almost feel sick to my stomach from all the food I’ve watch Guy Fieri eat on Diners, Drive-ins & Dives.
  • There are 4 baskets of laundry waiting to be folded and more to be washed. I continuously pray for the Laundry Fairy to show up… she’s yet to appear. Bitch.
  • I will never, ever, in the history of the world go camping. Sorry hubs.
  • Sophia has a gymnastics meet tomorrow (GO GTCO!). I’m secretly nervous for her.
  • I found this hysterical and proceeded to have a laughing fit.
  • The new McGowan house staple is La Croix.
  • I’m supposed to clean out my car to sell but I’m deliberately dragging my feet. It’s my first ever car and I’m a bit emotionally attached. Can you blame me?
  • Latest obsession: succulents. I have some and love them! Now – I research them, pin them and lust over purchasing them.
  • I finished The Blessings of the Animals by Katrina Kittle this week. And then was floored when this happen.
  • I took Monday off – just because. :)
  • My oven hasn’t been cleaned in what appears to be a century. I swear it’s on the top of my Spring Cleaning list but I hate running the cleaning cycle. It’s annoying.
  • Current ear worm: Everything is Everything – Lauryn Hill
  • I crave queso. All the time.
  • Only 72 days till my birthday month begins. Get excited!

These are my confessions. What are yours?

My FlavorGod Review – Best Damn Seasoning EVER!

It was several weeks ago when we decided to purchase FlavorGod seasonings. Mike and I had been following Chris on Instagram for some time [drooling over the pictures he posts] and we’ve enjoyed the seasonings at my sister’s house so many times. But once I heard that his Pizza flavor was being discontinued – I just knew that I had to bite the bullet and get our own bottles.

I couldn’t initially post once we got them. Not because they weren’t awesome but because I wanted to try them all on EVERYTHING. And I officially have. They are A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

FlavorGod - Lemon Garlic, Pizza & Everything Spicy.

FlavorGod – Lemon Garlic, Pizza & Everything Spicy.

We’ve tried them:

  • eggs
  • popcorn
  • chicken
  • pasta
  • steak
  • shrimp
  • cooked/raw vegetables
  • burgers
  • salads
  • dips
  • so much more!!

 

I cannot begin to tell you how delicious and nutricious these seasonings actually are. If you love to cook and you love good tasting, delicious food – then you need these seasonings in your kitchen ASAP. Otherwise you are doing your tastebuds a huge disservice.

Thank you Chris at FlavorGod for top notch customer service and a product I am proud of serve my family nearly every night. I am now a forever customer. :) 

*These opinions are my own and I was not paid or asked to write these things. 

2015: this year is going to be BIG!

My EC Life Planner aka my obsession

I don’t know about you – but I have some BIG plans for 2015. I always make a point to set goals for myself for the year – some personal, some professional. Naturally, I’ve written them down in my Erin Condren Life Planner so I have it with me at all times. Duh. I refer to it often – just to remind myself of what’s ahead. We are midway through first month of the year and I feel like I’m starting off strong. Hoping the same can be said 6 months from now too.

It helps to have people in your life to help support you through the year as you tackle your goals. Do you have people you can rely on? I know I do. And I can’t imagine taking on my BIG plans for 2015 without my support system to help back me up when I fall – and I know I’m going to fall. Also – I need to be held accountable so it helps to have friends to check in with regularly.

Sophia even wrote goals for the year. I’ve always explained to her that it’s important to list out things you want to accomplish for the year. In the past she’s always asked me to help. This year she wrote her own in the back of her sketch book. {She’s growing up a little too fast for my liking.} I was pretty impressed with what she came up with.

unnamed-1

They are only five – but they are a solid five in my opinion. I’m personally very proud of #2. She wants to read FIFTY books this year! Makes me a proud mama.

So, do you have BIG plans for 2015 too? Tell me about them!

 

Ruh roh

Christmas is just a few days away and I am slowly coming to the realization that I am not as ready as I thought I was. What the hell have I been doing?! There are presents to be wrapped, cookies to be baked (and certainly eaten), last minute items that still remain to be purchased…AHHHH!!! I’m starting to panic a little. I’m usually finished and settled into a beautiful routine of wrapping and movie watching by now. Clearly, I’m behind schedule and while I am good at procrastination this is not a time I am comfortable with it. There have been a few small panic attacks but I’ve managed to give myself a small pep talk – Get your head out of your ass, Sarah! It’s time to put this operation into high gear! 

Now I must focus. Are you ready?

PSA: I’m annoyed

I troubleshoot problems for a living – in all my roles. And as a result I encounter all kinds of people in my day to day – those who think they know what they are doing but really have no idea, the genuinely clueless, the helpless, the hopeless, the over thinker… you get the idea. I feel as though in the past few weeks – I’ve run into the most obnoxious kinds of people that I found myself with headaches and twitchy eyes. I felt like I was having some sort of allergic reaction to their ineptitude. It was TOO MUCH.

So I’m here to provide a public service announcement for my sanity and the safety of those who are forced to deal with me. The following shit annoys the shit out of me:

People who ask for help and then argue with you. Seriously? DO NOT ask for my assistance and then have the audacity to argue with me about the solution of I’ve provided. I don’t care who the hell you think you are – that shit is rude as hell. Don’t be an ass hole. Didn’t your mother teach you better?

People who do not know how to silence their phones. We live in a smartphone age and I too am entirely dependent on my phone. But in the movies, office, at the doctor’s office – I am respectful enough to put my phone on silent. Frankly, if you do not know how to put your phone on silent you don’t deserve to have the damn thing. I also reserve the right to take a meat hammer to your phone after it’s made this obnoxious fairy sound 8 times in a row while I’m trying to work. I’ll gladly return it to you in… in 1000 pieces but don’t be butt-hurt. This could have been prevented if you’d put your fucking phone on silent.

People who think they are funny but are really just shitty human beings. I could write a book on how upset and disappointed I am with humanity. We’ve turned to torturing animals and posting videos about it on YouTube because it’s allegedly hilarious. What the fuck is wrong with you people? This is unacceptable and people posting, liking, reposting this garbage makes my blood boil. I’m not the only one who has sense to find this fucking stupid. Lauren at Closer to 30 did too! Read about how mad she is in her latest post.

Rude ass sales people. I get it – you have a deadline to hit. I do too. I own a small business with my husband and sell Scentsy on the side. And maybe I’m just different but I don’t believe in guilting people into buying things from me. That’s just not how I do business. If I’ve politely turned your offer down, it’s likely because I’m not interested, can’t afford it, don’t like what you’re selling, or don’t like YOU. I will remain civil the first time or two – but time 381? I will bite your head off! Also – DO NOT come to my door with shady antics and expect me to respond well. I’m all for local organizations and school kids (especially girl scouts – this fat girl has a cookie problem) but if you show up and refuse tell me who you are affiliated with, ask me what I do for a living and if I have children – it’s likely that I will ask your ass to get off my property and exercise my right to bear arms. And not necessary in that order. Oh and then start cussing at me? Don’t even go there. I do live with a big burly black man (aka the Mr.) and if you think I’m scary…. you don’t even know.

Prank callers. How is this even still a thing? Just stop.

People who talk on the phone in public restrooms. There should be a law against this level of unsanitary behavior. One – you are in public restroom, likely with strangers and or people who don’t like you (such as myself). Two – you are now subjecting your caller to your bodily functions as well as anyone else’s in the close vicinity. While you might be close enough with Betty Sue to take her to pee with you – I don’t know her from Adam. I’m not the kind of person to share my urine with just anyone. Three – public restrooms are disgusting. I would know – I swabbed a few in college for microbiology lab just to see what kind of nasty bacteria I could grow. So you use your phone while dropping a deuce (no no no – don’t deny it, unfortunately, I was witness to this) or going pee, cleaning oneself (we only hope)… all the while switching your phone between your hands. And then you wash your hands and look at me like I’m nuts for giving you my I’m judging the shit out of you face (no pun intended). Disgusting. You should be ashamed of how foul that actually is and know that once I’ve seen you do this – you are forever deemed the “sharticle talker.”

 

I expect better of human beings but apparently I’ve set my expectations too high. IF these are things you are known for, please avoid me as it’s likely I will chew you out.

Welcome!!!

sarah

Hi! I'm Sarah. Thanks for visiting my blog. I hope you like what you read and come visit often. Grab a button while you're here. :) I have a chaotic life, don't sugar coat $H!T and like to write about it.

Stalk me!

RSS E-mail Me! Follow Me on Twitter Like Me on Facebook Follow Me on Pinterest

Grab a button!

The Bluntest Blog
<div align="center"><a href="http://www.thebluntestblog.com/" title="The Bluntest Blog"><img src="http://www.thebluntestblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ImageButton.jpg" alt="The Bluntest Blog" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

2015 Reading Challenge

2015 Reading Challenge
Sarah has
read 0 books toward her goal of 10 books.
hide

Copyright ©2012 the Bluntest Blog. All Rights Reserved.