The 7 Commandments for a BIG Girl

I’m a big girl. No doubt about it. I’m attempting to make myself more of a fit girl but in the meantime, I have to share the things I’ve learned about big-girldom (yes, I made that up just now).

These are the 7 commandments for a BIG girl… in no particular order.

  1. Thou shalt wear a brazier that fits thy bosom. Just because you can get the bra on doesn’t mean it’s the right fit. If you are popping out (literally) of your bra or the girls exploding out the bottom or sides of your bra – you need help. Also – the bra shouldn’t being leaving scars on your skin. It’s meant to be supportive, not cut off your circulation or make you bleed. Get sized at a big girl store. Victoria’s Secret bras weren’t meant for the well endowed, honey, so go ahead and give up that dream. Now come to terms with your measurements and try on a variety of bras till you find the perfect one. Don’t act like you know what you think you need. You don’t. You should go for sexy but functional. No need to look like your grandma. And the girls should be up but not to the point it looks like you are swallowing them. That’s just not cute. Find the right bra, in the perfect fit and buy every single one you can. It’s like water or air… an absolute necessity.
  2. Thou shalt not buy shoes thy cannot walk in. Do not be the big girl that stomps around the office because you can’t walk in your heels. That just makes you the fat girl on stilts. It’s just not okay. I am not saying you must only wear flats, rather that you should buy heels you are able to walk in naturally. If you can rock the 8 inch hooker heals and not look you’re about to fall flat on your face… then YOU GO GIRL! But if you need to wear the more subtle 2 inch wedge, there is no shame in that.
  3. Thou shalt not wear pants that give thyself a muffin top. This is unacceptable… not matter your size… PERIOD.
  4. Thou shalt carry emergency deodorant/baby powder. Is there much explanation needed here? We sweat and occasionally chafe. If you a paranoid about it then you are in for a miserable day. Come prepared and put your mind at ease. It gives you just a pinch more confidence and sometimes that’s all you need.
  5. Thou shalt not wear a bikini. I’m not saying big isn’t beautiful. What I am saying is be tasteful. If there is a string holding up your bottoms, it shouldn’t be a mystery! If you like being tan everywhere (no judgement here) then get yourself a membership at a nice tanning salon and spare the show at the pool.
  6. Thou shalt buy clothes from a store that carries thy actual size. Do not be the big girl in Forever 21 looking at XS dresses. Just don’t. This is only acceptable if your friend with you wears an XS. Otherwise, there is no shame in going to a store that carries double digit sizes or plus sizes and finding clothes that actually fit you. If the clothes fit right, you’ll feel good in them. Trust me, I’ve battled this for years and once I gave in – it made all the difference.
  7. Thou shalt never settle for less. Just because you fall into the big girl category doesn’t mean you should short change yourself life experiences. You can do everything all those other women out there can do. Do not give up on yourself. If you don’t like yourself, then change.

Proud Parenting Moment

Halloween is upon us. And when you have a 7 year old – it’s pretty much a once a month subject starting the day after the previous Halloween. For those of you who haven’t gone through this yell because your kids are too young or you don’t have kids yet… you just wait (squinty eyed I wish you the hell I am going through face).

For months my daughter has rattled off costumes ideas.

(In the car)

Sophia: Mama, what should be I be for Halloween?

Me: Sophia, it’s almost Christmas. Can we discuss this after Santa visits?

Sophia: I think I want to be a witch.

 

(In the morning before school)

Sophia: Mama, I know what I want to be for Halloween! A cat!

Me: Sophia, it’s not even Spring break yet. Let’s talk about this closer to October.

 

(Stalling before bedtime…as usual)

Sophia: What’s better – a dog, zebra, or lion?

Me: What’s this for?

Sophia: Halloween!

Me: You’ve been a lion before.

Sophia: A pig?

Me: You’ve been a pig too.

Sophia: Hmmmm ok.

 

(In line for ice cream)

Sophia: Mama! Mama! Mama! I know what I want to be for Halloween!!!!!

Me: Oh yeah? What now?

Sophia: Harry Potter!!!!!

Me: (biggest cheesiest smile in the entire world!)

Sophia: Or I could be gumball machine…

Though it was short lived – it was still a very proud parenting moment. I’m pretty sure angels were singing at the very moment. I am raising my daughter to be a Harry Potter geek just like her father and me. Other kids are taught about football teams and being forever loyal – no matter how bad their team stinks. But my kid? She’s loyal to the 7 greatest books and 8 movies about the greatest books ever written. Not going to lie… I may faint with pride on the day she asks that we read the first book together. Just sayin’.

HP4Life!

 

My bluntest conversation yet…

Brushing my teeth tonight, I stood in the mirror looking at myself…with complete disappointment.

 

Well hello there, Sarah. 

Hi. {Keeps brushing teeth to avoid eye contact.}

I see you are your same chubby, disgusting self. 

Well, I am working on it… sort of.

Are you? Because I’m not seeing much of a change.

I’m…

If by working on it you mean eating your feelings then YES you are definitely working on it.

Ouch. {Spit}

How many excuses have you made today alone to get out of logging your WW points or getting up to exercise? 

I know I know. I suck.

Yes you do! You are a lazy piece of shit! 

I mean that’s a bit harsh, don’t ya think? {Keeps brushing}

Oh did I hurt your big fat feelings?

Kind of…yeah.

Well, get over it! What you are doing is making stupid excuses and you’re only letting yourself down. If you aren’t going to put forth the effort, that’s fine by me. But you’ll just forever be the fat wife/mother/sister/coworker/friend.

You’re right. {Mouth full of tooth paste}

Of course I’m right! I’m you, stupid.

{Smirk, spit}

And no one feels sorry for you because you’ve only done this to yourself. You are FAT because of you! F.A.T. There! I said it. 

You’re right! This is my fault. I can’t blame this on anyone but myself. What the hell am I doing? {Brushing more vigorously now.}

Nothing, that’s the whole point of this conversation, idiot! 

But what if…

What if what? You fail? Any attempt at this point would better than another secret Reese’s pumpkin. 

{Eyes nearly pop out of my head.}

Yes, I know about those. 

{Overwhelming shame. Rinse and spit.}

So what if you fail? So you lose 5 lbs instead of 10. Something is better than nothing. At least you’d be making progress, putting forth effort, attempting to better yourself. Your butt would be 5 lbs lighter! It would be a miracle! 

My butt could be smaller.

Ya think? 

{Begins flossing to avoid the obvious.}

All I am doing is saying what clearly needs to be said. You are fat. If your loved ones won’t tell you, I will. Now get up and do something about it! 

But I hate trying and trying and never getting anywhere.

Did you expect this to be easy? 

Well if I…

Shut up! Well nothing moron! This is going to be one of the hardest things you’ve ever attempted to do in the history of your 20 some years of life. And it’s going to take time. You are just going to have to deal with it, tubby.  

Why all the attitude and name calling?

Because you need it. Someone needs to sass you to the point you are willing to do whatever it takes to prove them wrong. 

{That you-make-a-valid-point-but-I-hate-you-for-being-right look.}

You need to make a change. Embracing your chubbiness isn’t working anymore. You’ll probably never be a size 3/4 again…. and that’s okay. You don’t need to be that skinny. But let’s get down to single digit pant sizes. OK? At least that would be healthy. At least you wouldn’t ashamed to be out with your family or paranoid of the way your clothes fit you. 

{Nodding – mouth full of mouth wash.}

Can I take it one day at a time? Otherwise it gets REALLY scary and overwhelming.

You know for someone tends to be pretty strong-willed – you act like a pansy when it comes to this stuff. 

Yeah, not my strength. {Gargle, spit.}

Fine. One day at a time. But don’t crap out of me when you’ve had one bad food day or weigh in. This is going to be an ugly battle. Things may get worse before they get better… and don’t kid yourself, that one week a month is going to be a REAL bitch! But you have to power through…

OK! So we’ll start on Wednesday?

{If looks could kill.}

What? It’s my weigh in day!

Did I not just tell you about what a fat ass you are? Have you seen yourself naked lately? Yeah… that’s what I thought. You WILL start tomorrow! No matter what. 

Fine. I hate it when you’re right.

I know. Most people do. 

Good night.

Good night Sarah. 

 

 

 

Back to school shopping: Letter to OshKosh

Dear OshKosh, 

I wanted to write you a note to express my sincerest gratitude for creating clothing for my seven-year old that makes her still my little girl and not some harlot in training like those other stores (cough cough Justice cough cough). I mean who wants their daughter dressed to look like she could work the corner downtown? Ridiculous. I respect your ability to keep with the trends but still maintain that level of innocence that I love. You capture just the right amount of swag, style and sass that my daughter loves! And thanks you – she has the perfect outfit for the first day of school. She’s looks adorable in her floral skort, shirt and matching headband! That extra boost of confidence completely erased the new school year jitters she’s been complaining about for a week. She feel goods, looks great and nothing is too tight or too short (or her father would be writing you an entirely different kind of letter). Best of all – I can afford (for the most part) the things she wants from your store without needing to take out a second mortgage on my house. 

Only one…okay two minor suggestions. I love your outlet store but it’s the only outlet store in the area and it has only two dressing rooms. The only outlet store for miles and miles and only TWO dressing rooms? There were hordes of people and children impatiently waiting their turns. It wasn’t pretty. Also, your store is quite popular and crowded. It was literally 349 degrees in there! Every mother in that store was sweating like a whore in church. That definitely wasn’t pretty. I know I was an ugly mess, but I digress. These are just a few minor suggestions to make our shopping experience a smidgen better. 

Again, thank you for your wonderful clothing. But mostly, for keeping my little girl, MY little girl still. I know that I will do my best to keep her dressed in your clothes for as long as I can. Even if that means she’s rocking some cute  polka dot leggings and a tunic at age 16. 

Your happy-to-buy-OshKosh mom, 

Sarah

Loss

We all deal with loss in different ways. It’s hard. There are so many emotions associated with it and so many feelings to feel at once… it’s completely overwhelming. And then there is that horrible realization that you will never see that loved one again. It’s difficult to swallow.

I recently lost someone who holds a special place in my heart and forever will. I know that I am not the only one who is saddened or impacted by this loss but there is peace in knowing she is resting in a place we only hope to be apart of some day. She will forever be my hero and grandmother. And not one person on this earth has even a tenth the strength and grace she had. The tears come and go, as the wound is still so fresh. And I know that just when we begin to heal a little, the holidays will hit us and we will be reminded of how enormous a loss this truly is to our family. But new traditions will be made to honor her life and love for us all.

Today another loss has saddened my family and while I was only blessed with one short meeting with her, she was such a beautiful person – both inside and out. It’s amazing how pure someone can be when in the midst of fighting a disease. How their smile can spread warmth to those near and far. And how their now absence leaves a bigger void than we imagined.

Recently my sister shared a saying someone told her.

To be absent from the world is to be present with The Lord.

There is no greater loss than that of someone you love. And it’s incredibly hard. But I take comfort in knowing that heaven has gained two beautiful angels and they will forever watch over us.

In loving memory of 

Mamoose

&

Rosie.

in_loving_memory

Confessions

It’s been a while (I know I know) and I feel as though the best way to get things rollin’ is with some confessing. Plus what’s more fun than admitting {shameful} things to the bloggy world?! Here goes nothing…

  • June was an epic birthday month (yes I get the whole month) for me. Only 313 days till my next birthday {month}!! 
  • I miss blogging when I go through a dry spell. :(
  • I did absolutely nothing proactive on my weight-loss journey for the month of June. Oops.
  • Budgeting your money sucks and I hate having to do it.
  • Home ownership isn’t all it’s cracked up to be as we’ve recently had a leaking fridge and a clogged furnace.
  • I’m going to go to my grave doing the damn laundry. It never goes away!! It’s a conspiracy, I tell you!
  • I will eat my weight in watermelon. It’s a problem.
  • I don’t clean the floor boards in my house regularly.
  • Dessert was never a must till I got married to man with a huge sweet tooth. It’s all his fault.
  • If you come to my house around dinner to sell me something and I politely decline… but you keep pushing, rudely – I will likely cuss your @$$ out. Without shame.
  • The Golden Girls is hands down one of my favorite shows. Judge all you want.
  • I almost got caught red-handed as the Tooth Fairy. Apparently, I am not cut out for this line of work.
  • My house never exceeds 70 degrees. Ever.
  • Harry Potter for life!!! Also, I may or may not tweet about the movies when we have marathons. Which is all the time. It’s awesome.
  • Crystal Light Energy Peach Mango is amazing. It’s even better in a cocktail. :) You’re welcome.

 

These are my confessions.

Review: The Croods

I have vivid memories of going to the movies when I was a kid. It was THE thing to do back in the day and I loved it! My parents, sister or nanny would take me from time to time but I loved to go with my Uncle Magdy. He would pile 20 of us cousins into a car or two (totally legal) and take us to the movies. We took up an entire row, were loud and made one hell of  a mess. But those were amazing times.

The movies aren’t exactly family budget friendly anymore. I remember paying $3.75 for a ticket and now to go on a Friday night I need to take out a personal loan from the bank! And yes we have Netflix, Kindles, iPads, etc. that give us access to movies and while those are nice – they lack the sparkle of going to a dingy movie theater and seeing it BIG! So every so often we try to catch an early weekend movie for only $5.00 a ticket. I like to take Sophia to movies. She gets so excited!!!!

Recently, we went to see The Croods 3D.

I don’t get the hype about 3D movies. I’ve been seeing in 3D my entire life!! But there is an undeniable need for the movie industry to make every kids movie in 3D and now even resurrect old movies to get more money for 3D showings. It’s apparently the latest trend. I’m usually not a fan but kids love those recycled glasses, pretending they can actually touch the things shooting out at them and what not. But anyways – I digress….

The Croods is a movie about the world’s first ever family and the adventure they embark on after their cave home is destroyed. It’s sprinkled with family stereotypes, prehistoric humor and some awesome fantasy land.

I will say that I was impressed with the 3D quality of  The Croods. Usually there is this grainy feel to things but this time around it was very clear and I surprisingly didn’t leave with a headache. The relationship between the characters was spot on. Totally a realistic portrayal of family life now even though they are in the midst of the cave man era. We laughed out loud, my husband related to the over protective father, and Sophia thought the boy, awesomely named Guy, was cute (insert Mike’s eye rolling here). And talk about one hell of a cast! Emma Stone, Nicolas Cage and Ryan Reynolds – just to name a few. That doesn’t suck one bit. Sophia watched content, talked about it for 3 days and was excited to get a book about the movie in one of her Easter baskets.

All in all it was a solid 98 minutes of movie with an ending that had me a bit tearful {I am sucker for kids movies!}. It was a great family movie but not one I would put on my all time favorite must own or the world will end list of movies. If you aren’t an avid movie goer yourself – wait till it hits ABC Family movie weekends or Netflix.

 

Have you seen any new movies lately?

 

April Photo a Day

We are officially half way through April. Yesterday was Tax Relief Day {my ass}, which can be stressful for some. So I thought I would liven things up! :)

This month I am participating in a photo a day challenge on Instagram. There are a ton of people who post photo a day challenges but I particularly love those of a blog I adore – Fat Mum Slim. I can’t even remember how I stumbled upon her – but I love her Instagram and blog. She has beautiful pictures that make me endlessly jealous and want to move to Australia. But oh well. Since I can’t do that – I follow along, dream and post my photo a day.

I love that she has no rules….’cause rules suck…. and I love searching her hash tag (#fmsphotoaday) to see what others have posted for the day. It’s global picture awesomeness!

April looks like this:

#fmsphotoaday

 

I thought I would share a few of my own pictures so far for the month.

April 5: Something Good – {strawberry shortcake}

 

April 6th: Air – {Redd’s Apple Ale full of air because I drank it all.}

 

April 9: Tiny {name, incredible meaning}

 

I am really excited about today’s picture prompt – your favorite color – but I just have so much to choose from. Of course you can continue to see my progress on Instagram.

Confessions

Every now and then I feel the need to admit to things on my blog. Sometimes rather shameful things, other times just things that need to be said or things I feel the need to share. And I write these items in my favorite format – a list! I usually feel so much better after confessing too. It’s similar to sitting in the confessional and admitting to your Father all the horrible and sinful things you have done. Expect this has nothing to do with the Catholic faith, is very public and in the end no one will absolve you of your sins. But it’s awesome nonetheless so here goes… 

  • Reese’s peanut butter eggs are evil little pieces of chocolate deliciousness that I can’t resist at all. I would do unspeakable things for one of those damn eggs. Judge me all you want – then have one and get back to me on the matter. 
  • It is ridiculous how behind I am on Modern Family, Castle, and CSI: NY. Shhh! Don’t tell me what happened!!!!! I need to dedicate a weekend to catch up.
  • I missed my little monkey while she was away on Spring Break with my parents. But… the house was quiet, I wasn’t forced to watch SpongeBob and I didn’t have to argue with anyone over dinner. 
  • I’m excited for Spring. I know I know, I am a HUGE Winter person but with Spring comes grilling out, fire pits, flip flops, walks in the neighborhood and green grass. All things I have missed more than usual this year. 
  • I am also dreading Spring. It means yard work, bugs are back and Spring cleaning. All things I am not looking forward to at all. 
  • Mopping is a serious problem for me. I hate doing it, will find any excuse to avoid it and put it off all the time to do silly things like play on Twitter and Pinterest. 
  • My obsession with Arabic music has gotten out of hand. If I don’t hear one Arabic song a day – my life feels incomplete. Almost as bad as if I left my phone or planner at home. Yeah, that bad. 
  • I have a box of Ester Price milk chocolate caramels in my night stand drawer and I’m totally not ashamed. They are there for those life is so stressful I can’t believe I have to do this why is this happening to me I hate myself moments that we all experience from time to time. Most people come home and have a beer. I hate beer. So I come home and have one piece of milk chocolate heaven. 
  • I am addicted to Scentsy. It’s my neighbor’s fault. She sells it and now… I religiously buy it. But I have a small house with a man, six-year-old, two dogs and a cat so it’s ABSOLUTELY necessary. 
  • I totally failed to log any of my Weight Watcher stuff last week. Opps. 
  • Sometimes I can’t stand our cat, Kiko. There I said it. But he’s annoying so it’s justified. 
  • My doctor says I need to tan to help calm down my eczema. The man seriously told me to fake and bake! Not sure if I can do it. 
  • I am so scared to take out the trash because it’s warm enough that neighborhood raccoon, whom we lovingly call Rocky, is back. I am horrified of him and his 4 obese children! I know, it sounds stupid but you’ve never met Rocky.
 
These are my confessions.   

Spring Break

I’ve come to the conclusion that EVERY working individual should get a Spring break. As in a paid time off break from work to sleep in, be distracted, shamelessly watch Harry Potter movies and occasionally trashy television. Listen, after a week like that people would come back to work rejuvenated and ready to kick some memos, work emails and conference calls in the ass. I know I would!

How is it remotely fair that my first grader gets a week off? From what? Learning to read, write stories and count coins? COME ON!!! I get that it’s more of a break for the teachers and trust me they are way deserving of a break. They spend all day with our children so we don’t have to, right? You couldn’t pay me enough. But that’s besides the point – why do kids get a break and their hard-working parents don’t? I get that some families are able to take vacations to warm or tropical places for a week. When I was a kid, that’s exactly what we did! But we aren’t one of those families. Instead – my kiddo got to spend the week with my parents (a whole 5 miles from my house) and live like royalty for the week. I can envision my daughter laying on the leather couch with her feet up, watching SpongeBob while my mother serves her grapes and Capri Suns on a silver platter. NO JOKE. She got a week of luxury spoiling while my husband and I worked our usual 40+ hours a week each.

I think it’s only fair (I know life isn’t fair – shut up) that parents get a break too. Right? Who wouldn’t want to spend the week in PJs, eating junk food and watching stupid amounts of Food Network and ABCFamily? Especially, while their children go to school and are forced to learn “valuable” things they will never use in real life like cursive (who writes in that besides teachers and your grandmother?), long division and the history of the ball point pen. I think it would be a good dose of reality because in the real world we don’t get weeks off to play for free. Sadly, it doesn’t work like that. There are a few other things we should be teaching in schools too. Etiquette and common sense would be good additions to school curriculum…but that’s an entirely different post in and of itself.

Okay – I am finished complaining. For now anyway.

 

Did you get a Spring Break? If so, what did you do? Oh and I totally hate you.

About Me:

Hi, I'm Sarah! Thanks for visiting my blog. Feel free to browse around, grab a button if you'd like and stay awhile. Here you will find my very blunt thoughts on things and a glimpse of the craziness I call my life. Read, comment and come back often.
RSS E-mail Me! Follow Me on Twitter Like Me on Facebook Follow Me on Pinterest

Grab My Button

The Bluntest Blog
<div align="center"><a href="http://www.thebluntestblog.com/" title="The Bluntest Blog"><img src="http://www.thebluntestblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ImageButton.jpg" alt="The Bluntest Blog" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

my read shelf:
Sarah McGowan's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)

2014 Reading Challenge

2014 Reading Challenge
Sarah has read 0 books toward her goal of 8 books.
hide
Copyright ©2012 the Bluntest Blog. All Rights Reserved.